A long time ago when I was struggling to deal with adolescence pressure, I met a guy. He was of my age and we used to go to the same tuition. Incidentally his school appeared to be just across the road of my school. At first I was too shy to notice him but as days passed he came into my realm of focus more and more till I was convinced that it is not normal.
I was too shy to directly approach him for friendship so I always used to end up making small talk over studies. As days progressed my feelings for him did too. I started thinking about him when I used to be at home, used to wait to meet him at tuition, and scores of all other things which every teenage girl does when she has a crush.
I never went out of my way to make him notice me. I was content to be in the background. In my eyes we were poles apart and even though it was a match made in heaven, it would circumvent to nothing. It was then that that one of my friends decided to take the matter into her hands. She happened to know a very good friend of that guy and told him to ask the guy (let's call him X) about me.
The reaction was not expected by me. Sources said X had blushed! Blushed! That meant that I still had hope. And the turmoil started. Mixed signals from both sides, mixed reactions to that lead to more confusion and ended up driving me insane. I thought that this turmoil meant that am getting there, close to him. That one day he would certainly be mine and I can bask in that attention.
But that was so not the case. I later learnt that he did not care two-pence about me and was just using me to get the notes from various sources. On top of that he was besotted to some other girl and he was well aware of my feelings. My first real crush came crashing down on me!
3 years has passed since then. I rarely saw X. For the past maybe 2 years I haven't laid my eyes on him. Sometimes through a common friend I do get news but they don't matter much to me. When I had my first heartbreak I thought I would never get over him. But time heals all wounds. I have grown up and matured. Time has healed my wounds.
My thoughts have changed. I can now tell the difference between love and attraction. My crush never made me feel secure. Something that I feel now. And now I have one desire. That someday I meet X on the road. Now that am settled in life, doing good, have changed from a small shy girl to a confident smart woman, I want him to meet me. I want him to notice me the same way he had disregarded me once. I want to meet him so that I show him how lucky I am that he never fell for me because now I know whatever I may deserve, I certainly never deserved a two-faced guy like him!
