LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 26)

ONE MONTH LATER.

“Hey! The coffee is hot! Come and get it!” Sheila called out.

She settled down on the couch with her own coffee and paper.

Hmmm, she sighed. It was so peaceful right now. Her life was shaping up quite well right now. Upon Tam’s sincere request, she had accepted the post of head chef in Danny’s restaurant. And it was going good. The work atmosphere was great and so were the accolades.

But she was counting her chickens before they hatched. No, she thought, I will be taking it slow. She starched herself and turned the page of the paper.

“Hey Honey!”

Ryan appeared at the doorway in his shorts. Yawning and stretching as usual he fumbled around for his coffee.

“Right side of the table, blue cup.” Said Sheila without looking up.

Ryan grabbed the cup and flopped down on the couch beside Sheila.

“Hey! How did you sleep?” Questioned Sheila brushing away the hair from his face.

“Like a log.”

Sheila ruffled his hair playfully and turned her attention back to the paper.

“What the ****? You will be reading paper now?” Ryan sounded irritated.

“Ryan! I said no cursing!”

“But you aren’t talking at all!” Sulked Ryan.

“Awwww! I was just teasing you. Hey Tam had called.” Sheila said pinching Ryan’s cheeks.

“Yeah? How’s she? How’s the dude?”

“Yeah they are safe and sound. Just now landed in Mauritius.”

“Fancy place, huh?”

“Ryan!” Sheila’s tone was saturated with warning.

“What? I was just merely commenting. Should have gone someplace in India. The way they were acting as if there was a dearth of beautiful places in India.”

“Ryan! What is your problem? They liked it. They are going for their honeymoon! I don’t get it!”

“Sorry Shell. But it just got to me.” Grumbled Ryan.

“Thank god the wedding went off pretty well! Didn’t think it would!” Said Sheila shaking her head at the memory.

“Why did you think so?”

“As if you don’t know Ryan!”

“No, I don’t know Sheila!”

“Oh really! What with you making a pass at Kunal at the time of marriage, to Tam losing her ring.......”

“I never made a pass----”

“Ryan! Please! Cut it out!”

“But I meant it as a joke!” Wailed Ryan.

“Awwww! I know that. But it obviously freaked Kunal out.”

“That was the idea!” Grinned Ryan.

“Ryan! You are such a dog!” Laughed Sheila.

“I was just being a friend.”

Sheila and Ryan began rolling around with laughter.

Their friendship had deepened over the last month. Sheila had come around to accept Ryan the way he was. Together they had planned the entire marriage of Tam and Kunal. Ryan had begun dating guys. Something that he had avoided before. Now Sheila gets to approve of his boyfriend.

Sheila has converted the name of the restaurant to ‘Dinesh’s’. In the memory of Danny.

Kunal’s transfer was nearly finalized. He was shifting to London in a month. Promotion with increased salary seemed like good haul to his friends. In tow- a wife.

Tam was planning on restarting here career as a journalist out there. Danny’s parents had come up and had blessed the happy couple.

Everything had found a way. There was a way to be happy if you acknowledged the means to it. Sheila gained a friend in Ryan. Kunal and Tam found each other after 2 years of friendship. Ryan had accepted the way he was and no qualms regarding it.

“Do you think there is any chance of you being a bisexual?” Sheila asked Ryan that night as they were watching a movie at home.

“Nah.” Grinned Ryan at her.

“We will find a way right, to be there for each other in future?” Sheila asked while munching on the popcorn.

“We will find a way.” Promised Ryan.

THE END

LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 25)

There was pin-drop silence in the room. Tam did not have the courage to go on. She was staring at blank and shocked faces. Why am I telling them the truth, she thought. It was so much better not to tell anything. But a voice whispered to her that her friends deserved to know the truth. Since they too had unwittingly become involved in all these.

Tam continued with her story.

“Danny always thought that he had this imaginary brother called Rohit. The moment it started somehow, my parents understood that it would become serious if not stopped now. So they along with his parents took him to this doctor. She has been there for him ever since. We used to take him there once a week. And Danny would relate to her that how Rohit occupied most of my tie and that he was lonely. Her therapies started to work when we turned 11.

Danny made Rohit disappear to the States. Things started getting better. But Danny was never completely cured. His doctor told us that the seed of the disease was planted deep inside him. It could be kept dormant for a few years but it would raise its ugly head again. And she was right. Though Rohit never returned and none of his imaginary friends did, he would have lapses. He would end up somewhere else and would have no memory of reaching that place. When we tried denying it, he would get violent. His doctor then suggested that for his sake we too partake in his fantasies with a healthy dose of reality. Bring him back to reality at times.

We started doing that and for a while it did work. He started becoming more and more stable. Then he shifted to Punjab and we were praying that things would be fine with him. For a year or so it was ok. Then he would start relating stories of his days. At times we would laugh it off. He turned violent then. It was then that we understood the disease was coming back. He disappeared for a week. And came back as the new Danny. As in, modern and hip Danny.

His doctor said it was no harm as long as he changed himself. But there were times when he lapsed back into the old Danny. He came to Kolkata then. And told me that story of Rohit. I played along like I did before giving him doses of reality. Shell when you met him, he was the new and improved Danny. And all that he said was lies. I got the shock of my life when I discovered what he told you guys. I never wanted any of you to know the truth. So I pretended in front of you. But hearing everything I decided that it was time to take him to the doctor again. That is why I went there, And------”

Tam broke down completely. All the while she had telling the story, silent tears were falling down her cheeks. Now the dam burst. Kunal scooped her in his arms and rocked her back and forth till her sobs subsided.

Sheila patted her arm and said.

“You could have told us you know.”

Tam wiped her tears and sat up straight.

“No. I didn’t want you guys to know him like that. It hurts. A lot. To see his mind eroding the man underneath. Plus I didn’t want anybody to feel pity for him. I wanted you to know him the way he appeared. I wanted you to cherish and preserve the image that you had of him. Not taint it with the news of his illness.”

Ryan came up to her and gave her a big hug. Tam broke down again.

Ryan began whispering in her ears.

“Its all right, dear. He is at peace now. He is in a much happier place now. No disease will ever trouble him again. But your tears will. So wipe your tears and give him a dazzling smile so that his peace returns.”

Tam smiled at him and looked around at the whole room. She was so lucky to have friends like that.

“Tam, but you did receive a call from Rohit---”

Tam cut Kunal short.

“It was Danny. It chilled me to the bones realizing that he had lapsed.”

“But then how did he die?”

“I guess that is one of the many mysteries of life, Ryan. I don’t exactly know. I don’t want to know. But I have a theory. After calling me as Rohit, the fact that Rohit was coming back stuck in his mind. And he got scared. Scared that he would loose me to him---”

“Tam I think we should leave it at that. For whatever reasons Danny took his life, died with him. Don’t try to resurrect it. It will spoil his image.” Said Kunal cutting Tam off and hugging her from behind.

The four of them sat in silence when a thought struck Sheila.

“Hey! But you guys are getting married in a month! Wow! Congratulations dear! But why a month?”

“That is a bit complicated!” exclaimed Tam.

“What?” Ryan asked, skeptical.

“Actually am getting transferred to London in 2 months.” Announced Kunal.

LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 24)

“You are what? Are you both out of your mind?”

Ryan was rendered speechless. Times like this really bought out his depth of vocabulary to null and void. Sheila had to speak. She just couldn’t rein it in.

“We are getting married. No kidding. Remember the new love I was talking about? It was Tam.” Said Kunal looking in Tam’s direction.

“What? Why? How? When?” Questions stumbled out of Ryan’s mouth.

Sheila was having a surreal feeling. She was sure that all this was just a bad dram and would be ending soon. She would get up to a normal world. Not this.

Ryan though was blank. He couldn’t get himself to think. Feeling was out of the question.

“Tam. I think we owe them an explanation.”

“Yes Kunal, I think we do.”

Tam came up and sat in front of Sheila and Ryan. Both of their faces were very comical to look at. But Tam reined in her laughter.

“Remember the night when you guys had kissed for the first time?”

“Vividly.” Answered Ryan.

Sheila nodded her head.

“Well, I returned home late after the party completely drunk. I came home to find Kunal alone. I wasn’t expecting him. He was supposed to be at his relatives place. He too was drunk. He had come home feeling lonely as everyone out there had someone special in his or her lives. Kunal felt very left out. We both decided that we were the world’s biggest losers and went up to the terrace. Totally drunk and somewhere far romantic ballad was on. We got to dancing. Well, as clichéd as it may sound but I guess that that moment I knew he was the guy for me. We did end up in bed, or rather on the terrace and we were feeling really happy and committed. We had decided to break the news to you guys but your infamous kiss and all sort of dominated it.” Tam explained.

It was greeted with complete silence.

“So like you guys were mad? No I mean Kunal was mad at me for kissing Sheila----”

“Ryan, Ryan. I was mad because I thought you were trying to take advantage of her. You were thinking her to be like those chicks. Plus I thought what you did was very wrong since you are gay. You were just getting her hopes up. And I guess at some level I was jealous.” Kunal confessed.

“Hmm. This part is clear. Ok. Right. So just let me get this straight. Ryan is gay. Tried falling in love with me but was confirmed gay. I love him. Kunal is bisexual. Had a crush on Ryan. But Straight part pre dominated due to Suzie. Suzie left. Kunal heartbroken. Tam heartbroken due to loss of actual love. Gets drunk. Realize in love. End up together. Tells after 3 weeks. What the ****? You kidding me?” Sheila ranted.

“No Shell. This time this is the truth.” Tam reassured her.

“Ok. Great. Why did it take you guys to get drunk to realize that you were in love?” Sheila asked.

“We fell in love then. With each other. With the moment. With the way we were complimenting each other. Everything. It was the right time, the right moment. You don’t need romantic circumstances to fall in love. Love just needs a moment. And it happens.” Tam said.

Sheila turned her face away. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know this. But it was harder hearing it from someone who came out of the tunnel happy, whereas, she was left holding her broken dreams in hand. Suddenly a thought struck her.

“Wait. What about Danny?”

“Yeah. What about him, huh?”

Ryan spoke up. He had been quite subdued for some moments.

“Yeah Tam what about him? You had just told me to play along. Can you explain his part?” Kunal questioned as he sat down next to Tam.

“Danny.” Sighed Tam. “Danny was always a mystery. Guys please bear with me. This part has never been easy for me. You see Danny suffered from split personality disorder. From childhood. We knew that. He used to make up imaginary people and talk with them. Doctors later on claimed that the hours he spent behind books lessened his social skills. His loneliness thus drove him to have imaginary friends. I was sort of the only friend he had in his life for a long time. So it was obvious that he would fall for him. But to me he was like a brother, whom I had to take care of.”

“But what about Rohit? He was there too?” Questioned Ryan.

Tam sighed deeply and answered.

“There was never anybody called Rohit. Danny did not have a brother. Rohit was a figment of Danny’s imagination.”

LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 23)

“What? What what what? What?”

It seemed as is Ryan was stuck on one word and couldn’t get enough of it.

Sheila dropped to the floor.

“Shell? Shell! Are you okay?”

Kunral rushed up to her.

“Yeah. Barely.”

Sheila croaked as got onto her feet with some help from Ryan and Kunal.

“You are gay too?” she croaked out again.

“Oh no! No no! Am not gay!” Kunal gesticulated with his hand.

“Huh?” said Sheila.

“What?” said Ryan.

“Guys! It so happens that you can call me a bisexual, you see----”

“Oh god! I am feeling nauseous now!” wailed Sheila on the top of her voice!

“God Shell let him complete!” thundered Ryan.

“Yeah. Right. See it so happens that my first sexual experience happened with a guy. I was 16 then. And I always knew that I liked guys. The tag was put on to me on that day. Anyway, yeah so till I was 22 I believed I was gay! And to tell you frankly I was very ashamed of it. Hardly told anyone except the guy I was sleeping with then. But after I got my first job, I met Suzie. You remember Suzie? And I knew at that moment that the way I feel about her, I never felt like that about any guy before. I was a different person when I was with her. We used to go out every single day and had loads of fun. I knew I was falling in love with her. And to that, I had no objection!

Suzie knew about my problem from the very beginning. She had qualms regarding it. We strictly maintained a platonic friendship for 3 years, when I realized I should give our relationship a name and take it to the next level. You see, I understood, through Suzie, that due to my non-exposure, the gay part of me had become predominant. But due to Suzie, the straight part of me was coming out to the front. I took her out one day and she fell in love with that pup, that stray dog! She was cuddling it and before I got a chance to say about how I feel for her, she announced that she was getting married. She met this great guy, and they had hit off. She gave me peck on my cheek and danced away from my life forever.

She changed my life inside out. I began looking at the world, as I had never seen it before. I was, for the first time comfortable with what I am. She had invited me to her wedding, and had called me many times. But I stayed out of her life, wishing her happiness. It was my way of telling her that I loved her.

Then you guys came into my life. Yes. I had a crush on Ryan. Somehow, he reminded me of the first guy I was with. I began helping him thinking one day he would notice me differently. But then you and Ryan became close and I was reminded of Suzie and me. I didn’t want any of you guys to go through that thing again. So I moved on. I found a new love. And I am-----”

The door opened with a resounding bang, as Tam walked into the apartment.

“Hey guys!” she called while putting the keys inside her purse.

The three jumped up and looked around. Seeing their faces Tam stopped in her tracks.

“Uh oh!” She turned to Kunal. “You told them?”

“No. I was about to.” Kunal replied.

“Oh! Then who died? Why do you guys have such long faces?” Tam questioned as she sat on the sofa.

“Ryan is gay.” Sheila said in a broken whisper.

“Oh! I know! What else?” Tam said in a nonchalant manner.

Ryan nearly fell off his chair. Sheila’s mouth dropped open.

“You knew?” she accused.

“Yeah. The signs were blowing up in my eyes.” She sniggered.

“What? But why didn’t you tell me?” Wailed Sheila.

“Honey, you were so in love with him. Totally blinded. And to top it he had kissed you. I was about to tell you but then I thought you wouldn’t believe me. I thought, It’s between Ryan and Sheila. So it had better come from Ryan. And I thought, ‘Oh god! She is in love with him. And she doesn’t even know that he is gay.’ You see, it was better knowing from him than me.” Tam shrugged her shoulders.

Sheila and Ryan stared at her in complete silence. Both were at a loss of words.

“And while you are it let me give you one more shocker. Tam and I are getting married next month!” declared Kunal as Tam looked on happily.

LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 22)

“Whatttttttt????????”

Sheila was feeling as if time has frozen. She had this vague buzzing in her ears. She gasped open mouthed at Ryan.

“You are what? No, no, you can’t be gay! No you can’t! You are lying. You are lying, right?” Sheila questioned Ryan, hoping against hope that he was joking.

Ryan came up to her and held her shoulders and shook them lightly.

“No sweetheart! I wish I were. I really wish I were. But it’s something that I was born with and it’s something that I cannot change.” Ryan said softly.

Sheila did not believe her own ears. Ryan was gay! Gay! That was something that she had never thought about. Even in her worst nightmare.

“YESSSSSSSSS!”

Kunal’s jubilant expression made Ryan and Sheila jump.

Kunal was bearing this huge grin on his face and jumping up and down, purely ecstatic.

“Why the hell are you so happy, Kunal?” Sheila couldn’t help but lash out at him. Here she was seeing her very world rumble to pieces in front of her own eyes and here he was dancing!

“I knew it! I always knew it! I was right!” Kunal was exclaiming as he came over and gave Sheila a huge bear hug.

“Huh? You knew? How did you know?” mumbled Sheila.

“Oh very simple! I read the signs. But somehow I always thought that I would end up being wrong. I always thought that he really loved you!” Kunal explained.

“Ha! I wish!” Snorted Sheila as she collapsed on the sofa.

Ryan went up to her and bends down on his knees to match her eye level. With his for finger he lightly lifted up Sheila’s face so that she was looking at him.

“Sheila honey! I really tried! I saw just how much you loved me and I thought to myself, this girl deserves the best. Not me. I can’t give her everything she wants or deserves. And even if we had ended up together it would be entirely based on huge amount of sacrifices for both of us. And I didn’t want that. A relationship based on sacrifices isn’t a strong relation. But after that we lost the magic element which defined us. And I thought that maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are meant to be mine. So I went to talk with you last night. And when you lost control I decided to go with the flow to see where it would lead us. But I couldn’t have sex. I just couldn’t do it. I tried but each time I got the feeling that it was wrong. You don’t deserve a forced thing. And then I knew it. I knew for sure I was gay. Here was a girl whom I loved dearly. And under normal circumstances she would end up being mine. But I can’t keep her happy. I am not attracted to her. For years I had been running away from accepting the fact that I was gay. I thought it was a passing phase. It would pass. But it didn’t. I liked guys more I fantasized over them. Not regarding girls. Meeting you I thought that I had met the perfect person with whom I would like to share y life. But as I started stretching the elastic boundary of our friendship into love, I saw that it had reached a breaking point. Further pressure would have broken it. And I really didn’t want to lose you as a friend. I am sorry. Please forgive me Shell.”

Ryan bend down his head. Streams of tears were flowing down Sheila’s cheek as the last broken jagged piece of her dream lay on her lap.

Sheila looked up at Kunal and he stared back at her.

“Kunal?” Sheila whispered in a broken voice.

“Hmmm?” He answered.

“How did you guess?”

Kunal cleared his throat and looked at Ryan. Ryan raised his tear-stricken face and looked at Kunal.

“Shell you know that I kept a track of which current chick he was supposedly dating and all and how these girls called home? Well, I began noticing a pattern. With each he went out once or twice and then when the girl warmed up he left her. Specially when the girl gunned for physical intimacy. Here was a hot guy, having access to the beauties of the town and yet running away from it all. And then with you I thought he had something going on. So I thought maybe these girls were a façade to make you jealous. But then he admitted that he wasn’t comfortable when he kissed you. Then his rejection and all, it sort of made huge blinking signs. Plus there was something else too.” Kunal began mumbling the last sentence.

“What something?” Sheila asked.

“Ummmm actually-------”

Kunal stammered but was cut short by Ryan.

“C’mon be honest. I confessed so much. Say it!”

Kunal took a deep breath and said.

“Ryan actually I kinda had a crush on you.”

LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 21)

Kunal was sitting in the living room reading the morning paper. Generally, in the mornings, Tam accompanied him and both of them used to have a nice time discussing the news. More so, Tam was a journalist and Kunal would give insights into the financial world to her.

Remembering the smiling Tam, Kunal shook his head ruefully as he turned the page of the paper. Strange, he thought. Ryan was still sleeping. He generally would be up, fighting with him over the bathroom. Poor Ryan, Kunal sighed again. He too has been through a lot.

Suddenly, like bolt from blue, Kunal heard an explosion.

“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!!!!”

Jumping up he turned his head around just in time to see Sheila storming out of her room, in her nightdress. Kunal quickly averted his eyes. Scenes like this always bought in a sense of nervousness in him. Looking up again, his eyes nearly popped out of his sockets. Ryan was following Sheila out in just his boxers. Kunal lost his cool. He flung the paper aside and stood up. But before he could open his mouth, Sheila screamed at Ryan.

“STAY THE BLOODY HELL AWAY FROM ME!”

“Shell cool down.” Ryan tried to pacify her.

“DON’T YOU SHELL ME!”

Kunal was looking from one to the other as if he was watching a tennis match.

“Shell please. Please listen to me. Let me explain please. I did not mean to insult you when I said that. Please hear me out!” Ryan pleaded.

“What else do I need to hear Ryan? You accept me as a friend and as day’s passed you became my special friend. You began making me feel special around you. Then you go ahead and kiss me out of the blue. Before I could reconcile with the fact that the guy I love kissed me you shrug me off. Then when I reconcile with the fact that we are still friends, you begin to increase the proximity between us. And now you sleep with me and say you are happy, as you didn’t have sex and never want to have! What does it mean?”

Kunal couldn’t believe his ears.

“You slept with her?” He said his voice shaking in fury.

“Not the other way. We both shared the same bed, that’s it!” Ryan explained to Kunal.

“Oh really! Just that? What about the other juicy things you were relating to me inside?” Sheila scathed.

“Sheila please is this very necessary?” Asked Ryan looking uneasily at Kunal.

“Yes you bet your ass this is necessary.” Sheila shouted.

“You-----”

“Kunal please stay away from this.” Ryan ordered Kunal as he opened his mouth.

“No why Ryan? Why will Kunal stay away from this? He is our friend and he has a right to know. Today you are stopping him from hating you. How many will you stop tomorrow?” Sheila asked Ryan.

“Guys please--------”

“No. I want to know.” Kunal deliberated cutting across Ryan.

“Oh yes you do want to know! You bet you want to know! Shall I tell her why you want to know?” Ryan lashed out at Kunal.

“Tell me what?” Sheila asked skeptically.

“That he loves you.” Ryan announced.

“What bullshit! I am not in love with her!” Scoffed Kunal.

“Yeah Ryan stop trying to change the spotlight. I know he doesn’t love me that way.” Said Sheila.

“What? What? You believe him and you don’t believe me?” Ryan asked incredulous.

“To believe you I need to hear you. What is it that you have been trying to explain to me?” Sheila mocked Ryan.

“Shell, hasn’t my actions conveyed to you what I want and why am I doing this?” Ryan pleaded.

“Yes. You have been trying to take advantage of her, physically.” Announced Kunal.

“No guys. Please think. Doesn’t any other possibility cross your mind?” Ryan pleaded again.

“You are betrothed to some village girl and you are married to her.” Sheila said.

“No guys. Don’t you get it? Am gay!”

LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 20)

Sheila gave a small contented sigh as she turned around in the bed, her eyes still closed. She was feeling very happy and peaceful that morning. Strange, she thought. I was so tensed for the past few days that I had to take sleeping pills to sleep, and now am feeling peaceful. Her brows frowned in concentration in her sleep.

It must have something to do with what I dreamt last night, she thought. As she racked her brains, trying to assemble the drags of her dream, it suddenly hit her. Hard. She had dreamt last night that Ryan had crept into her room. She was semi asleep. And he had slithered into the bed beside her, cradling her sleeping form in her arms.

And just as he was about to fall asleep, her woman instincts took over and in her sleep she had planted a small kiss on his chest, where she was resting her head. And then the frenzy had started. They were both carried away by their burning desire, each trying to control the other.

Sheila blushed red as some of the things that she dreamt she did last night, on instincts came back to her. God, she thought, I am completely losing it.

But no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t recall the ending of her dream. Did they end up having sex? She couldn’t remember. But she was sure that they did make out last night. Ok enough, she thought to herself firmly. I will not think about this dream for the rest of the day.

Resolution strong in her mind, Sheila turned around again in her bed and finally opened her eyes.

“Aaaaaggggggghhhhhhhh!”

Screamed Sheila as she sat up bolt upright in her bed and yanked the cover up to her chin.

Her scream had woken up Ryan who was sleeping peacefully beside her. He too was sitting up in bed with a dazed expression on his face.

“What, What the hell are you doing here?” Screamed Sheila at Ryan.

Ryan looked at her, all huddled up in a corner, scared and covering herself protectively with a blanket and his eyes softened. He felt relieved. He was happy with his decision for last night. He was also happy with the events of last night. He now knew what he wanted.

He just smiled at Sheila and slowly pushed a lock of hair behind her ears.

“Ryan! What are you doing here?” Sheila screamed again.

“Whoa! You don’t remember anything?” Ryan asked her completely taken by surprise.

“No.” Answered Sheila skeptically.

“I came in to talk with you last night. You don’t remember anything?” Ryan asked again.

Sheila rubbed her face tiredly and looked up at Ryan.

“Wait! So we did? I mean I thought I was dreaming but we did------”

Sheila stopped midway as she saw Ryan falling back on the bed, hands behind his head and grinning up at her. And the first thing, which she noticed, was---- He wasn’t wearing any shirt.

Ignoring the various possible ways in which Ryan’s chest was looking edible to her, she looked down at herself, scared all the while.

No, thank god, she was still wearing her nightdress. It was a bit askew but that was ok. It would be disastrous if she had sex with the man of her dreams and yet remembered nothing about it in the morning.

She looked at Ryan and the look in her eyes told him that she needed explanation. He reluctantly got up.

“Well, last night I thought that I should give us a chance. I mean without giving a chance how can we know whether I was right in rejecting you like that? So, I came into your room last night to talk with you. But you were constantly and slowly whispering my name. So I thought that maybe if I hug you then you would wake up and we could talk. But the moment I did that, you started kissing me in frenzy. I thought, under the given circumstances if I don’t kiss you back it would seem odd. So I did. And then one thing led to other and we ended up------”

“We ended up what Ryan?” Sheila was hysterical again.

“You see I wanted to know whether I did the right thing in rejecting you. I wanted to know for sure what was it that I wanted. And know I know. Thanks to you Shell I know now what I want. After last night.”

Ryan’s jubilant face sent mixed signals to Sheila’s heart.

“Ryan what did we do last night? Did we make out?” Sheila asked her voice quivering.

“Yes. Shell, I thought that was applied.”

“No. Ryan what I meant was did we have sex?” asked Sheila again her voice barely above a whisper.

“That is what I have been trying to tell you.” Said Ryan more happy than ever. “We didn’t have sex Shell! And know what? I am sure what I want now. I know I never want to have sex with you. I was right from the beginning!”

LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 19)

It was nearly midnight, when Ryan opened his bedroom door and stepped out in the dark living room. There was nobody there. Tam was spending the night at Danny’s parents house. His parents could only give the comfort that she needed at that moment.

Ryan began pacing across the hall thinking about the disastrous moment. It happened two days ago but seemed just like it happened yesterday. Tam was in fury when she walked into Danny’s office. His security guard, whom she did knock out cold, blocked her path.

Upon reaching his cabin, the first thing, which she noticed, was the gun in his hand. And the pool of blood. She had heard the others behind her, calling out to her. She waited until the others arrived so that they could give a visual conformation that her mind was playing tricks on her. But Sheila’s immediate exclamation, and fainting on the spot confirmed her worst fears that Danny indeed was dead.

Ryan remembered as Sheila dropped to the floor how he had caught her midway and carried her to the hospital. He had left behind Kunal to soothe Tam. Remembering his frenzied actions Ryan concluded that from a third persons eye, it had seemed as if he was in love with Sheila.

He shook his head and began thinking about how the police came and questioned them. Sheila and Tam had recounted everything. That morning the police had concluded that it was indeed a suicide. Danny had received a call from Rohit saying that he was coming back. According to the police, the guilt of his selfish actions, and the fear of being discovered lead him to put the gun to his head.

Tam had volunteered herself to stay with Danny’s parents. According to her suggestion, Rohit was not yet informed of this tragedy. But this was not what was so important to Ryan, which was keeping him awake at night.

There were so many questions that were running in circles in his mind. Kunal’s reaction to the whole affair puzzled him. He took care of Tam in a very tender manner, one that would warm any frozen heart, when Ryan was away with Sheila to the hospital. Kunal was always supporting and encouraging the two girls in their decisions. And he was very protective of them. More than Ryan was.

But what really puzzled Ryan was his bizarre reaction to the ‘kiss’. He knew it for a fact that Kunal was very upset by that episode. But why? Did he nurture secret feelings for Sheila? If so then why wasn’t he coming out in the open and declaring his feelings for her?

And Sheila? Was she still angry on him coz he had shrugged her off after awakening her fantasy? Will she never forgive him? She had accepted him back as a friend but the special spark that they had shared before was missing.

Or was it? Was he acting on guilt and trying to take this further so as to win his friend back? Or was it really happening? He was suffering from guilt and he knew that for a fact. But Sheila too was giving him the cold shoulder now.

What should he do now? Did he love Sheila? No. He didn’t love her. But maybe if he could? Well, then that would be great. She was perfect! But she obviously deserved much better than him.

Ryan sat down on the sofa, tired from contemplating so much. He was stranded on an island of doubts. And he knew that it was he who had to devise a way out of this confusion.

“God! Why can’t I love her?”

Ryan moaned to himself.

Maybe this was the solution. He could give it a try! He could try and fall in love with Sheila. He could give both of them a chance. What is the worst that could happen?Ryan sat up straighter in his seat and squared his shoulders. He would do it. He would give them a chance to fall in love.

He got up and went towards Sheila’s room. Taking a deep breath, he put his hand on the knob and turned it slowly. The door opened soundlessly. Ryan poked his head in and saw that Sheila was sleeping peacefully.

“God! She is beautiful!” Ryan sighed to himself.

No. He would do it. No other options. He would make her happy. He would rid himself of the guilt that sears his heart every time he looks at Sheila. He would make her the happiest person in the world.

So what if his happiness did not lay in that direction? He would settle for this happiness. The peaceful happiness. So what if I wasn’t fulfilling? It was happiness after all!

Taking a deep breath he centered the room and silently closed the door behind him.