LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 22)

“Whatttttttt????????”

Sheila was feeling as if time has frozen. She had this vague buzzing in her ears. She gasped open mouthed at Ryan.

“You are what? No, no, you can’t be gay! No you can’t! You are lying. You are lying, right?” Sheila questioned Ryan, hoping against hope that he was joking.

Ryan came up to her and held her shoulders and shook them lightly.

“No sweetheart! I wish I were. I really wish I were. But it’s something that I was born with and it’s something that I cannot change.” Ryan said softly.

Sheila did not believe her own ears. Ryan was gay! Gay! That was something that she had never thought about. Even in her worst nightmare.

“YESSSSSSSSS!”

Kunal’s jubilant expression made Ryan and Sheila jump.

Kunal was bearing this huge grin on his face and jumping up and down, purely ecstatic.

“Why the hell are you so happy, Kunal?” Sheila couldn’t help but lash out at him. Here she was seeing her very world rumble to pieces in front of her own eyes and here he was dancing!

“I knew it! I always knew it! I was right!” Kunal was exclaiming as he came over and gave Sheila a huge bear hug.

“Huh? You knew? How did you know?” mumbled Sheila.

“Oh very simple! I read the signs. But somehow I always thought that I would end up being wrong. I always thought that he really loved you!” Kunal explained.

“Ha! I wish!” Snorted Sheila as she collapsed on the sofa.

Ryan went up to her and bends down on his knees to match her eye level. With his for finger he lightly lifted up Sheila’s face so that she was looking at him.

“Sheila honey! I really tried! I saw just how much you loved me and I thought to myself, this girl deserves the best. Not me. I can’t give her everything she wants or deserves. And even if we had ended up together it would be entirely based on huge amount of sacrifices for both of us. And I didn’t want that. A relationship based on sacrifices isn’t a strong relation. But after that we lost the magic element which defined us. And I thought that maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are meant to be mine. So I went to talk with you last night. And when you lost control I decided to go with the flow to see where it would lead us. But I couldn’t have sex. I just couldn’t do it. I tried but each time I got the feeling that it was wrong. You don’t deserve a forced thing. And then I knew it. I knew for sure I was gay. Here was a girl whom I loved dearly. And under normal circumstances she would end up being mine. But I can’t keep her happy. I am not attracted to her. For years I had been running away from accepting the fact that I was gay. I thought it was a passing phase. It would pass. But it didn’t. I liked guys more I fantasized over them. Not regarding girls. Meeting you I thought that I had met the perfect person with whom I would like to share y life. But as I started stretching the elastic boundary of our friendship into love, I saw that it had reached a breaking point. Further pressure would have broken it. And I really didn’t want to lose you as a friend. I am sorry. Please forgive me Shell.”

Ryan bend down his head. Streams of tears were flowing down Sheila’s cheek as the last broken jagged piece of her dream lay on her lap.

Sheila looked up at Kunal and he stared back at her.

“Kunal?” Sheila whispered in a broken voice.

“Hmmm?” He answered.

“How did you guess?”

Kunal cleared his throat and looked at Ryan. Ryan raised his tear-stricken face and looked at Kunal.

“Shell you know that I kept a track of which current chick he was supposedly dating and all and how these girls called home? Well, I began noticing a pattern. With each he went out once or twice and then when the girl warmed up he left her. Specially when the girl gunned for physical intimacy. Here was a hot guy, having access to the beauties of the town and yet running away from it all. And then with you I thought he had something going on. So I thought maybe these girls were a façade to make you jealous. But then he admitted that he wasn’t comfortable when he kissed you. Then his rejection and all, it sort of made huge blinking signs. Plus there was something else too.” Kunal began mumbling the last sentence.

“What something?” Sheila asked.

“Ummmm actually-------”

Kunal stammered but was cut short by Ryan.

“C’mon be honest. I confessed so much. Say it!”

Kunal took a deep breath and said.

“Ryan actually I kinda had a crush on you.”