10 ways to injure yourself

As far as my memory goes I always had a balancing problem. That's actually a civil of saying "I can't walk straight for 5 minutes without tripping". Whenever am out with my friends they are always wary of when they might just suddenly find me dive to the ground. Um uh not for cover but um as a resultant position of "tripping". So taking their suggestions in my mind and their inspiration in my heart I have finally decided to list 10 very simple ways of getting injured. The perfect guide. Here goes:-

1. Walk around the table or your bed jutting out your knees when you round the corner. There will be a time when you will actually get bruised.
2. Try and open the cap of a medicine bottle with your mouth even though you could have used your hands. Don't panic if you end up losing a tooth. You actually ended up getting injured!
3. To make yourself feel important load your backpack with bricks.... um no, bad idea...... load them with a couple of heavy books and a couple of filled bottles and walk around for five minutes. Tip: Injury to be felt the next day!
4. Try to close the door of you car on your hand. Don't panic if you bleed.... That's a real deep injury man! (See! you will learn fast!) But yeah do panic if it results in a dent in your car!
5. Drink at least 50 ml of soft drinks topping it with huge chunks of junk food. Injury type: Puking. To see whether you are really injured check out the color of your puke.... If it's yellow then it's a great injury, if it's white then it's pretty sad man!
6. When you are walking on the pavement pretend that you are blind. There will surely be such a manhole which will easily help your ankle to swell!
7. Try to lift a bucket full of water with one hand until you hear a "crick". If you trace to your back then BINGO!
8. While stapling pages together surreptitiously place your finger between the pages and bring down the stapler hard. If it bounces back then ...... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
9. While climbing down the stairs wear slippery slippers and skip the last 4 steps. The resultant color of the bruises are pretty interesting to watch....
10. Last but not the least drop a heavy filled up bottle of water on your leg slyly. You might get to miss work for a day or two!!!!!

********"All these stunts were performed by trained stuntmen (i.e., me). Please don't try it at home (specially if you don't want your mom to chase you with a broom). The company (i.e., me again) bears no responsibility if the results don't match with the ones given above."********