LIFE.... AS IT COMES (CHAPTER 19)

It was nearly midnight, when Ryan opened his bedroom door and stepped out in the dark living room. There was nobody there. Tam was spending the night at Danny’s parents house. His parents could only give the comfort that she needed at that moment.

Ryan began pacing across the hall thinking about the disastrous moment. It happened two days ago but seemed just like it happened yesterday. Tam was in fury when she walked into Danny’s office. His security guard, whom she did knock out cold, blocked her path.

Upon reaching his cabin, the first thing, which she noticed, was the gun in his hand. And the pool of blood. She had heard the others behind her, calling out to her. She waited until the others arrived so that they could give a visual conformation that her mind was playing tricks on her. But Sheila’s immediate exclamation, and fainting on the spot confirmed her worst fears that Danny indeed was dead.

Ryan remembered as Sheila dropped to the floor how he had caught her midway and carried her to the hospital. He had left behind Kunal to soothe Tam. Remembering his frenzied actions Ryan concluded that from a third persons eye, it had seemed as if he was in love with Sheila.

He shook his head and began thinking about how the police came and questioned them. Sheila and Tam had recounted everything. That morning the police had concluded that it was indeed a suicide. Danny had received a call from Rohit saying that he was coming back. According to the police, the guilt of his selfish actions, and the fear of being discovered lead him to put the gun to his head.

Tam had volunteered herself to stay with Danny’s parents. According to her suggestion, Rohit was not yet informed of this tragedy. But this was not what was so important to Ryan, which was keeping him awake at night.

There were so many questions that were running in circles in his mind. Kunal’s reaction to the whole affair puzzled him. He took care of Tam in a very tender manner, one that would warm any frozen heart, when Ryan was away with Sheila to the hospital. Kunal was always supporting and encouraging the two girls in their decisions. And he was very protective of them. More than Ryan was.

But what really puzzled Ryan was his bizarre reaction to the ‘kiss’. He knew it for a fact that Kunal was very upset by that episode. But why? Did he nurture secret feelings for Sheila? If so then why wasn’t he coming out in the open and declaring his feelings for her?

And Sheila? Was she still angry on him coz he had shrugged her off after awakening her fantasy? Will she never forgive him? She had accepted him back as a friend but the special spark that they had shared before was missing.

Or was it? Was he acting on guilt and trying to take this further so as to win his friend back? Or was it really happening? He was suffering from guilt and he knew that for a fact. But Sheila too was giving him the cold shoulder now.

What should he do now? Did he love Sheila? No. He didn’t love her. But maybe if he could? Well, then that would be great. She was perfect! But she obviously deserved much better than him.

Ryan sat down on the sofa, tired from contemplating so much. He was stranded on an island of doubts. And he knew that it was he who had to devise a way out of this confusion.

“God! Why can’t I love her?”

Ryan moaned to himself.

Maybe this was the solution. He could give it a try! He could try and fall in love with Sheila. He could give both of them a chance. What is the worst that could happen?Ryan sat up straighter in his seat and squared his shoulders. He would do it. He would give them a chance to fall in love.

He got up and went towards Sheila’s room. Taking a deep breath, he put his hand on the knob and turned it slowly. The door opened soundlessly. Ryan poked his head in and saw that Sheila was sleeping peacefully.

“God! She is beautiful!” Ryan sighed to himself.

No. He would do it. No other options. He would make her happy. He would rid himself of the guilt that sears his heart every time he looks at Sheila. He would make her the happiest person in the world.

So what if his happiness did not lay in that direction? He would settle for this happiness. The peaceful happiness. So what if I wasn’t fulfilling? It was happiness after all!

Taking a deep breath he centered the room and silently closed the door behind him.